The Lumber Room: PANTOMIME REVIEW: ‘Goldilocks & The Three Bears’

The gang’s all here again – Julian Clary, Paul Zerdin, Gary Wilmot and Nigel Havers – for a take on a panto story I’ve only ever seen once before, at Wimbledon Theatre in 1991. Joining them for the ride this time were Paul O’Grady (who also appeared in the first new Palladium panto in 2016), ‘cheery Northerner One-Show presenter’ (Julian’s description) Matt Baker, ‘Benidorm’ star Janine Duvitski, and West End stars Sophie Isaacs and Lauren Stroud.

Reviews that I had caught prior to going highlighted the production, set in a circus, as being more of a variety show than a panto, and to some extent I agree with this, with the script by director Michael Harrison and QDOS panto writer extraordinaire Alan McHugh, being very limited and just filling gaps between material created by the individual acts. As well as the stars there were three speciality acts – The Skating Medinis (a roller-skating duo), Peter Pavlov and the Globe of Speed (four motorcyclists all riding around a metal globe at the same time) and magician Phil Hitchcock (restyled ‘The Great Mysterioso’). The first two were very impressive, but each appeared once and for less than ten minutes. I must admit being underwhelmed by Phil Hitchcock who I had not previously heard of, and whose claims in the programme to be bringing something special proved to be unfounded, as he simply went through a couple of ‘classics of magic’, including a dove act that was more 1919 than 2019, and drew attention away from Sophie’s big song.

As ever the star was Julian Clary, whose role as ‘Ringmaster’ meant that his double-entendres almost wrote themselves, and allowed for ever more impressive costumes. He also had a Musical Theatre star (in the form of Sophie) to mock, alongside his usual mockery of poor Nigel Havers. Paul O’Grady was playing the villain of the piece, Baron Von Savage (a German cousin of Lily), the owner of the rival circus, the Circus of Nightmares. A highlight was the scene in Act 2 where he and Julian seemed to be attempting to see who could get away with being the most filthy.

Gary Wilmot’s Dame is rare in pantoland in that given that Julian deals with the innuendo and outrageous costumes, she is a nurturing mother figure rather than the usual grotesque. At this point, I must applaud Gary’s latest patter-song, written by himself, and featuring snatches of songs from almost every musical ever written, all perfectly running into each other through shared words. (In the two previous years he gave us ‘Names of All London Underground Stations’ to the tune of 'The CanCan' and ‘Stars of the Palladium, to the tune of ‘The Major-General's Song’ from ‘The Pirates of Penzance’ by Gilbert and Sullivan, a la Tom Lehrer’s ‘The Elements’). Paul Zerdin was also very good as Silly Billy, even if a lot of the material was familiar from the three previous Palladium pantos, but it was good to see his other puppet, Baby, also getting an airing, alongside Sam.

Janine Duvitski made the most of the underwritten role of Mummy Bear, which was basically Jacqueline from ‘Benidorm’ in a bear costume, with Nigel Havers’ Daddy Bear getting much of the adulation, particularly when he made a Prince Andrew joke about how much he was sweating in the costume. The trio was rounded off by Lauren Stroud (‘Strictly Ballroom – The Musical’) playing Baby Bear, who still managed to tap dance in her bear suit. Sophie Isaacs (‘Heathers – The Musical’ & ‘Cruel Intentions – The Musical’) was also excellent, but despite being the title character had surprisingly little to do.

I have left Matt Baker to last as he was the revelation for me, displaying multiple circus skills as Joey the Clown, unicycling, juggling, pratfalling, and at the end of Act One tightrope walking. He also had a reasonable singing voice, making him a shoo-in if any producer is planning a tour of ‘Barnum’ (a song from which, along with some from ‘The Greatest Showman’, also featured, with slightly tweaked lyrics). There was also an excellent ‘If I were not upon the stage….’ In which Matt again impressed (whilst dressed in a mankini !).

So, all in all, another excellent Palladium panto. The only issue being ‘Is this family friendly entertainment ?’ Yes, most of Julian’s jokes went over the children’s heads, but this left the children in the row behind me confused why all the adults were laughing, leading to some very awkward discussions in the interval.